I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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