I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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