Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
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I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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