I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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