I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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