I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm like, not good at living.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize