what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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