So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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