i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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