There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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