I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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