1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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