What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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