Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
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Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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