what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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