the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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