just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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