I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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