there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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