still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
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i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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