You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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