chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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