i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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