..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
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Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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