Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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