Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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