Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize