Texts From Last Night

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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"

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  (425): If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!" http://tfl.nu/2zn1
  Replies (49) Good night (4443) Bad night (671)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So do you want to come over? ;)

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.

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  (612): So do you want to come over? ;) (763): Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/m0zn
  Replies (44) Good night (1067) Bad night (6718)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!

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  (512): OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs! http://tfl.nu/zfxs
  Replies (7) Good night (588) Bad night (5037) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous

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  (760): i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous http://tfl.nu/sccn
  Replies (25) Good night (589) Bad night (5129) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.

  (850): View more from Florida

  I guess we all know what he was cookin.

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  (850): So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines. (850): I guess we all know what he was cookin. http://tfl.nu/lvcl
  Replies (15) Good night (1006) Bad night (3804)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?

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  (316): Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter? http://tfl.nu/61dy
  Replies (34) Good night (3966) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.

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  (248): Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll. http://tfl.nu/4l0s
  Replies (14) Good night (5225) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.

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  (765): A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this. http://tfl.nu/a7q9
  Replies (28) Good night (2094) Bad night (3652) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

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  (410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0
  Replies (47) Good night (12801) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.

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  (414): I want to frame my negative pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/y335
  Replies (26) Good night (7134) Bad night (930) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.

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  (602): JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS. http://tfl.nu/m8yh
  Replies (10) Good night (1265) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex

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  (816): i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex http://tfl.nu/eas7
  Replies (18) Good night (1624) Bad night (1922) Order T-Shirt
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable

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  (319): Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable http://tfl.nu/cclu
  Replies (15) Good night (442) Bad night (4114) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.

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  (850): I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here. http://tfl.nu/dms5
  Replies (6) Good night (785) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.

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  (907): I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here. http://tfl.nu/70da
  Replies (2) Good night (1008) Bad night (162) Order T-Shirt

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