no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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