if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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