stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
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Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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