Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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