The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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