you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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