You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
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I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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