Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize