How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
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My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
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I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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