turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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