I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize