4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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