she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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