I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize