i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
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My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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