She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dicks are not precious.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize