That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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