Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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