Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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