I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize