this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
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I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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