Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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