my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize